i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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