Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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