Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
