are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
cat food counts as protein by the way
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
She needs sedatives and a leash
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
