How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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