Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
