4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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