She's like a pop up book from hell.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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