I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
