I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
