That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
