You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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