Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
