Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
