Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
