So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Welp...herpes.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
