my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
