You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
