And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
