i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
