Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
