just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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