I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
