My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
