He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
