Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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