I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
