I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
