hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
