roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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