i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
There's even glitter on my cock...
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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