Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
