she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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