i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
