I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
