i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
where are you?
Hypothermia
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
