In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
