I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
