and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
