So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
