I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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