I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
