yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Randomize
