the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
