fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
