guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
