I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
