That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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