Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
