I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
