D3 body, D1 cock
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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