dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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