Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
